Response to Julia's Blog...

I have decided to do a response to Julia's Blog (although I don't think she knows that yet) because when I read through her posts, I found them particularly thought provoking. Here is a link to her blog in case you haven't had the opportunity to read some of her posts: http://night0before0eternity.wordpress.com/
After the book is over: I had the same response to the ending of the novel as a lot of people, including Julia: that's it? I did like the poo-tee-weet ending, I thought it was cute, but it didn't seem like enough. The whole final chapter was just so short and to the point, then I turned the page, and it was over. There was nothing left. Personally, I enjoyed this book and all of its obscurity a lot, but there was something missing here. Vonnegut did say that there was nothing intelligent to say about a massacre, and maybe he just ran out of things to say. I know that happens to me sometimes when I'm writing. I have this flood of ideas and emotions and I just write and write and then I am drained. There is nothing new I can say about it and I just have to end it, whether it seems finished or not. About the point of a happy ending, it would have been nice, but I don't know if it could happen. We all want the happy endings. I get so attached to a character that it breaks my heart when a novel ends, even more so when a novel ends sadly. Sometimes though, there is no way around it. After everything Billy had been through there wasn't much that could be said or done to make it better. As unsatisfying as it was, it had to end because Billy's life was over. He was abused so much on the pages of that novel that I just wanted to let him rest in peace, but sometimes we don't get the endings we want. Probably the biggest disappointment of the novel.
The Children's Crusade: I am not a fan of war in any way. I think that it should be prevented as much as possible, and I know that's not always how it will go, but I wish it would. Young men and women are sent into places which can only be described accurately as some sort of hell, handed weapons and told to fight, to kill, to win. People just a little older than myself are thrown out into this reality that doesn't seem at all real and so many of them die. It's traumatizing, horrifying, unimaginable. And they're just a bit older than I am. It's heartbreaking. I can, in no way, classify myself as someone who has any understanding of this world. I will be 18 in just over a year, and legally I will be called an adult. Legally being an adult doesn't mean you automatically understand or that you can fight any better than you did when you were 17. You can vote, so you must be able to fight for your country. So many of the people who fight are children. Parents lose their children in war. Children lose their parents. People lose their friends, relatives, neighbours. Honestly, no one is old enough for war. No one is ready. No one is ready to march onto a hellish battlefield and shoot to kill other human beings. No one.
Nuggets of Wisdom? HAH: I wrote a post about this a while back, but Vonnegut, in the year 1984, actually did attempt suicide. He had a hard life and that shows through in his writing. I can't imagine some of the things Vonnegut went through, especially after having read SH5. In some of his books, there is an undertone of hope, like this one, but in others, all you can see is cynicism. Sure, he makes it humourous, but when I think about it, it takes a lot of pain to have that much material for cynical jokes. The quote Julia talked about about being alive and feeling nothing, I think, is something Vonnegut probably actually experienced in his life. I'm not saying he used drugs to numb the pain, because I don't think he was like that, I think it was one of those things where there is just so much going on around you that you don't know exactly what you should feel. There is so much pain coming at you from all sides that you just retreat into your mind and let everything hit you, but make sure you don't actually let it hurt you. You hold back the emotions, the tears. You feel like you could just break down and cry, but you start thinking numbers and math (a friend told me about this and it actually works) and you let go of the need to cry (at least until a later time). I think this book is a great example of that fully conscious numbness. There is so much pain, and if Billy felt it all, let it all seep in, it would have taken him over, killed him even.
By the way, Julia, if you're reading this, I really enjoyed your blog. :)